Jeff
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"Loved by hundreds... Hated by millions."
Male
46 years old as heck
Wheeling, WV
USA
Last Login: Tomorrow
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Interests
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| General | Listening to music. Playing guitar, bass & drums (but I suck at all). Collecting & shooting guns (mostly WW2 era). Breakin' shit (because I suck at building shit). My cars: Honda CRX, Porsche 944, Eclipse, S10. Food (steak, pizza, Chinese, Mexican), Mt. Dew (Nectar of the Gods). Computers & Internet (actually I hate 'puters). Movies (most kinds). Sleeping (wish I'd never wake up). | | Music | Acid Death, All, Angelrust, Anthrax, Armageddon Dildos, Atheist, Atrophy, Beastie Boys, Benediction, Black Flag, Body Count, Carcass, Coinmonster, D.R.I., Death, Deicide, Descendents, Destruction, Dismember, Doors, Dresdon Dolls, Drogheda, Elvis Hitler, Entombed, Fugazi, Godflesh, Godslayer, Gogol Bordello, Gorguts, Gwar, Hypocrisy, Incubus, Infectious Grooves, Macabre, Malevolent Creation, Master, Mayhem, Megadeth, Minor Threat, Misfits, Modest Mouse, Moog Cookbook, Morbid Angel, Murphy's Law, Napalm Death, Nirvana, Nocturnus, Nuclear Assault, Obituary, Opeth, Pestilence, Primus, Pungent Stench, Ramones, Rammstein, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rolling Stones, Rollins Band, Sam Black Church, Sepultura, Slayer, Suffocation, Suicidal Tendencies, Testament, The Silence, The Vandals, Wizo
Make music!
| TV | I like TV. I like throwing them off a bridge or shooting them better. Go outside and do something! | | Not Books |
THE MORBID SURVEY
1. Have you seen garbage bags on the side of the road and wondered if there are body parts inside?
I know who's in them... I put them there.
2. If you ever got the chance to practice cannibalism, would you?
Practice makes perfect.
3. If forced to overdose on a drug, which one would you choose?
Can't force the willing. Gimme 2 of each.
{WOULD YOU RATHER BE...}
4. Shot or stabbed?
Stabbed with bayonet then shot.
5. Asphyxiated or exsanguinated?
Gosh, such big words. Gimme both.
6. Drowned or buried alive?
Buried alive at the bottom of the sea.
7. Killed by blunt-force trauma to the head or crushed to death?
So many choices. I wish I could die more than once!
8. Poisoned or overdosed?
Who cares just do it!
9. Killed by a flesh-melting virus or by rats or ants slowly pecking at you?
I'd rather both of these happen to you.
10. Out of all the above choices, which one do you like best?
All of the above.
11. What is the worst way to die in your opinion?
Without accomplishing anything in life.
12. Killed (by a person) intentionally, or by accident?
Intentionally.
13. Killed by a serial killer (for pleasure) or a hit man (for profit)?
Serial killer. I want to be killed... Fucked... And eaten.
14. Killed in a car crash or a plane crash?
In a plane... Crashing into cars.
15. Killed in your home or away from home?
Away, so I don't mess up the rug.
16. Killed in your sleep or while watching TV?
Please kill me while watching TV. Put me out of my misery.
17. Killed by someone who knew you, a stalker, or a complete stranger?
Someone who knew me, so they might me more likely to feel remorse and maybe kill theirself from guilt.
18. What do you want done with your body when you die?
Fucked and eaten.
19. If forced to have your funeral at a place OTHER than a funeral home, where would that place to be?
John Wayne Gacy's crawl space.
20. What song/s would you want played at your funeral?
"Exhume to Consume" from Carcass.
21. What outfit would you like to be buried in?
A Carcass "I Reek Of Putrefaction" T-shirt.
22. Who do you want to give your eulogy?
Reverend Horton Heat.
23. Any specifics about your funeral you'd like to share?
My Eulogy:
As we lay this wretched waste of a man into his final rotting place... We pray that his soul will be stripped and tormented of all that is proper... To burn in his sins... In the witness of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. We pray his soul will fall below the Valley of Death... Left to rot forever... To never be free... To never return...
24. Would you rather be forgotten about when you die, or Remembered but hated?
Those who haven't forgotten me will rejoice.
25. Would you rather die alone, or die loved but leave a heartbroken mate behind?
I'll die alone... But I'll try to take as many out with me as I can ;)
| | Heroes | I'm SpiderManI am intelligent, witty, strong, and Mary Jane Watson is my bitch.
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Take the Superhero quiz Asshole! |
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| Details |
| Status: | Lonerly | | Zodiac Sign: | Gemini | | Occupation: | Web-Host Tech | | Income: | Millionaire |
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Schools
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Belmont Technical College
St Clairsville, Ohio
Graduated: 2004
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Associate's Degree
Major: Applied Science, Information Technology, Computer Science
Greek: Phi Theta Kappa
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2002 to 2004 |
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| Employment |
QwikHost
St. Clairsville, Ohio US
Web Host Technician
Tech, Billing, & Sales Dept.
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2006 to Present |
First USA Inc.
St. Clairsville, Ohio US
Internet Service Tech Support
Tech Department
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2005 to 2006 |
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| Jeff's Blarghs |
About me:
You wouldn't like me. I don't even like me. I'm a below average, unemployed, imbred, child-hating, wife-beating, racist, sexist, twice-divorced, alcoholic, retarded, crack-head, with advanced delusional schizophrenia, extreme involuntary narcissistic rage, and full-blown progeria (natures cruelest joke). I am known as the notorious 1-man orgy, and those are my best traits.
Now that I've got your attention, on to the facts...
In 2004 I graduated as the Salutatorian of Belmont Technical College in St. Clairsville, Ohio with an Associate Degree in Applied Science, Information Technology, and Computer Science, with a 3.98 gpa. I was a member of Phi Theta Kappa (Beta Theta Mu chapter) International Honor Society. I was on Belmont Tech's, and the National Dean's list consistently during my school years. I also became a Microsoft Certified Professional.
Check my blogs for more pics!!!
70 Questions:
1. DO YOU SNORE? Only your mom knows for sure.
2. ARE YOU IN LOVE? I love to hate you.
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? Chicks with dicks (bigger than mine).
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? I still am.
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV? I thought it was a figment of my imagination.
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? I should. I usually swallow them whole and get indigestion.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? When I was born my Mom took 1 look at me and asked if it was too late for an abortion.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? It's the only life I know.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? I'd have to wipe the crud off to be sure.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? Nevermind what I do in the shower.
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? Not yet. Tie it around my neck and let's go!
12. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS? My special talent is having NO talent.
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? Far away from this world.
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? Yeah, funny looking.
15. CAN YOU SWIM? Like a rock.
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"? I dunno.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? That's the last hole I'm worried about.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOSTIE POP? There's 1 in my pants. Find out.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARD? Z, Y, X, W... Umm... Not really.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? Yes but it stayed on the ground. A bus is like a plane without wings right?
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? I'm not a child, and 2 more monstrosities were spawned from the same parents.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? Who cares? They both do the same thing and I use a pen.
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? Kill it, fuck it, and eat it. But it's easier to get food from Burger King.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? Even mail order brides reject me.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I prefer my typing.
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? I'm allergic to allergies.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"? There was never a first.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? He'll live forever in my heart.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? If it was mine I would.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Not fertilized.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? The dumb ones are.
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? Right where you left it.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT? About that time.
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? I have a few; Sniper 1, Luger 1, Freak, Snookums.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING? It's some fucked up repugnant shit, but I eat it anyway.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? On my way to get my truck.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? Tongue baths.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? As real as the Easter Bunny and God.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? Not really.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? Only of what's lurking in it.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Mt Dew (Nectar of the Gods).
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? I'm not picky.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? I can snap yours.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? No. I fix myself.
45. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? If it's on MTV, VH1, or American Idol it must be good!!!
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? Depends if you buy or sell.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? Are you asking if I fuck fat chicks!? Only that one.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? 2 Blue, 1 Brown.
49. DO YOU SHOP AT AEROPOSTALE? Is that a band, with that guy with the huge mouth?
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? 99% of it is what you make of it. So if your life sucks. You suck.
51. WHO'S BETTER? At what?
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? I knew you was going to ask that.
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"? Was supposed to read it in school so... No.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? Skin Flute, Meat Whistle & Butt Bongos.
55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY? I would but nobody else has any either.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? Probably.
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? If it weren't for the bugs I'd live in the woods.
58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH? There's no time for laughing when I'm snorting coke.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? I believe it's stupid.
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? If he's into bestiality.
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? The other alternative is til death do us part. Until they legalize killing the bitch it'll have to do.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? I practically invented it.
63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? Eye nevvr mekad a missteak.
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? Yes damnit!
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Your Mom.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? I'm not Polish and I dont wear nails.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HUGGED? Dont touch me!
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? The ones on TV.
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Who I'd like to meet:
I prefer my dates, like I prefer my whiskey. 12 years old and full of coke. If you're old enough to pee, you're good enough for me. I'd like to meet, and do the upside-down-inverted-anal-butt-thrust with; left-handed, lesbian, librarian, vegetarian, midget, eskimo, albinos who are into necro-bestial anal-butt sex and cannibalistic death orgies; for exchanging tongue baths, and taking long walks on a sandy beach under the moonlit sky. I also dig dead chicks because I can do what I want and they don't complain. If you don't quite fit that description, RELAX! Anything with 2 to 4 legs is good enough for me. On the perfect first date we'd eat at a classy place like Mc Donald's, where I'd impress you with my hella bling by letting you to supersize your valu-meal. Then we'd get whacked out on cough syrup and you'd squeeze my nipples, tongue my bung, and juggle my balls. We would then retreat back to your place to lock legs and swap gravy.
Jeff's Master Plan: My mission is to continue to evoke shock and awe. It will take away all of your energy to keep up with surprising shifts and radical developments that I have in store. Despite the ups and downs, I plan a path to victory. I do not let the occasional setbacks concern me. Case in point: I have the ability to turn your potentially difficult situations into victories if you can manage to keep your wits about you. I may have to overcome your skepticism about whether or not I can handle your harsh "my way or the highway" terms. Fortunately, time is on my side, thanks to the 2-headed dragon I met along the way. Your security shall remain intact. I will not agree to anything in writing until you reach your ruler, and then will come out of retrograde. We shall have talks, strategize and conspire, but we will not seal any agreements until the tide turns in my favor in the last week of the last sun. Domestic dilemmas? I get things settled without delay. Romantic? I could well bring you the social life you've dreamed of - Quite possibly more. Also remember I go out and have love for someone special without reason, on all of the most glimmering days of the year. Travel taken for fun is great - Any time is the ideal time!
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